Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT)  is based on the work of Harville Hendrix PhD., author of Getting The Love You Want, Keeping the Love You Find, and Giving the Love That Heals.  For a simple definition of Imago Theory, try www.therapy4couples.com/imago-theory.html

I really find imago theory to be quite fascinating. It delves into and explains parts of the brain that we are not conscious of and how those parts of the brain can cause behaviors or exert control over us that we may not even be aware of:  Why did he yell at me? Why did that situation make me break down and cry? Why did my friend, a seemingly sane person, chase their spouse around the room and punch a whole in the wall?  The list really could go on and on.

So today, let’s talk about the brain for just a minute.  It is totally complex and far from completely understood, and I’m far from an expert for sure, but let’s touch on a couple of the basics.  There are actually three parts of the brain. The most primitive part is your hindbrain, which is your cerebellum, pons, and medulla oblongata. This is also known as your “lizard brain”, which stems from evolutionary terminology. This is the part of your brain that houses “fight or flight”, for example, and the basic instinctual stuff that keeps you alive: food, breathing and heart beat, body growth, and reproduction.  It does it’s work subconsciously, and you may be surprised to know that it is also the most powerful, influential part of your brain!

The midbrain does its job automatically without our conscious thought as well.  It is the second most powerful/influential part of your brain!  (Did you notice that the two most powerful and influential parts of your brain do things that you are not even consciously aware of?)  Among other things, the midbrain processes emotions and memories.  I think the most interesting part about the mid-brain is that it is “timeless.”  It can experience a memory or an emotion that happened years ago as though it were happening right this minute.  This has tremendous implications for all of us.  Think about it this way…do you remember how I’ve talked before about how people in relationships with us can hurt us the same way we were hurt when we were kids, and how if those wounds go unhealed, we will still be reactive to them?  This is why.  Our midbrain experiences those same pains and wounds as if they were happening the same moment as when we were kids.  That’s what causes our over-reactions.  Since the midbrain’s activities are subconscious, it also shows that we cannot control the emotions that arise for us.  Keep that in mind as we move on…

The fore-brain is the part we all know and love the best…conscious thought.  You guessed it, it is the weakest part of your brain!  Explains a lot, doesn’t it?  What kind of match is made with your fore-brain versus Lizard and Timeless?  Not much.  It can be taught, however, and it can have some influential power over the first two.  It can make that which is unconscious, conscious, and it has SOME say-so over what, for example, comes out of our mouths.  It takes a lifetime to begin to learn this art of influence over the other two brain areas, however.  Since the other two are subconscious, many folks are just simply unaware that they are under their power, even though they are affected by them every moment of every day.

Now, doesn’t that make it easier to understand how seemingly sane folks can act so crazy sometimes?  They are under the influence of the brawn of their brain:  Timeless and the Lizard.  Gotta be aware of the existence of that reptilian fella and his helper.  We can use this knowledge to give us a new perspective on behavior, an enhanced understanding and awareness, of both our own and others’ behaviors.  That’s what I like about imago theory.  It accounts for all parts of the brain, and helps me understand things which look so unrational on the surface.  It also helps me stop my own reptile-induced craziness (overreactions)!  Lizards aren’t that bright, but they are powerful and can do serious damage!  If I am aware of the timeless reptile, I can understand where my feelings are coming from and why they are so powerful. It also illuminates work yet to be done, and gives my conscious fore-brain a fighting chance to regain some semblance of control!  And if not, I at least know why I was temporarily out of control.  I was “under the influence.”

How’d you like that topic?  I find this stuff pretty fascinating.  I gotta give credit to one of my textbooks for helping me out (Rosemary Farmer’s, 2009, ”Neuroscience and Social Work Practice: The Missing Link”) and also a recent training I attended given by Dr. Bernard Baca, PhD. LCSW.  You may visit his website at www.indiana-imago.com  Off to do some more studying!  Thanks for stopping by.

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2010, Nancy Eisenman

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LCSW is a therapist at Peace Counseling Group, serving the greater Indianapolis area. Surrounding communities include Carmel, Westfield, Fishers, Geist, Noblesville, Brownsburg, and Avon. For more information, please use the contact form or call Nancy directly at 317.605.7015.

Address: 9640 Commerce Drive
Suite 413 Carmel, IN 46032

Phone:  317.605.7015

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