Blog
What can we control during the COVID-19 pandemic?
Wow. Just wow. COVID-19. Just saying it, speaking it, seeing it written, it strikes fear in many of us, anxiety in some, terror in others, grief in still others, or even a combination of more than one emotion in many of us. Sometimes there are no words to make things...
Talk Therapy without Talk: Brainspotting
How would you like to attend therapy, and potentially not even have to talk during therapy? You don’t have to worry about someone judging you for what you’ve said, or done, or are wanting to do; you can just go and work through all of it without uttering a word? This...
What Does Grief Look Like?
Before I begin my blog post, I want you to know I am okay, I have fantastic support, and I have been ready for this moment, and I am at peace so do not feel sorry for me because I truly am okay. Now, some of you may know, I recently lost my mom to cancer this year....
New Year’s Resolutions: Yay or Nay?
New Year’s Resolutions: Do you make them? Do you love them? Do you hate them? Why do we make them?
Beautiful Sorrow
I have been looking at photography pictures and different photographers the last few weeks, which I love because each of their perspectives on people, things, animals, settings, etc. are all different. I found a project that involved filling people’s physical scars,...
Intimacy
I recently read Matthew Kelly’s Book, “The Seven Levels of Intimacy,” and it was a fantastic read. I recommend reading it if you are trying to figure out why we do, or do not, share certain things with certain people. The best way I can think of to describe how we...
Grace for… me?
Ugghhh… I wish I could remember the topic I had picked out the other day as I was driving home. It was awesome, but I can’t. I am only human. Wait! There it is. Sweet. I remembered (that’s rare for me)! Grace, or forgiveness without deserving it, for myself. Offering...
The Fear of Failure
Failure, what a weird, small word that packs a powerful punch to the gut. I mean a sucker punch to the gut that knocks us completely off our feet. When we want to try something, but worry about 'what if it fails"...and we are completely crushed. We can't move, can't...
Self-Determination
Self-determination. Have you heard this term? If not, you might have heard about self-determination in a different way, choice. But, what does the term really mean? If you Google self-determination it comes up with two choices, one is about a country's statehood, the...
The Importance of Relationships
Relationships, don't want to live with them at times, but physically can't live without relationships. Human beings are social creatures. Babies like having relationships with people, they watch our every move, they listen to our voice (even before they are born!)....
Grieving is a Ping Pong Ball
So, I am sure you are asking, what do ping pong balls have to do with grief and loss? I am so glad you asked! Most of us know what happens when we play ping pong and the ball goes rogue. The ping pong ball bounces off the edge of the table, it goes one way, then the...
Finding Peace When Overwhelmed
Have u ever felt overwhelmed u start to feel some or a lot of anxiety? So much going on at home, getting kids to sporting events, doing laundry for your spouse’s meeting, running to the store to get dinner, having to plan your own meeting for work, etc, ...
Men and Women Speak Different Languages
I was talking with my husband the other day, and I determined that men and women at times seem like they speak different languages, even if they both speak English! Well, it doesn’t have to be men versus women, but maybe more people who think logically and...
Seasonal Affective Disorder
It's that depressing time of year again... The heats been over for a little while, it's cloudy, it's rainy, it's well, depressing, and to top it all off, we won't see another sunset after 7pm until March! That is a lot of darkness until daylight savings kicks in...
Change Can Be A Rollercoaster
Change, it’s sort of like a rollercoaster, isn’t it? It can be exciting and scary all at the same time. We don’t always know where the next twist or turn is going to take us. When we finally take the plunge towards change, down that humongous hill,...
The Devastating Effects of an Affair
If you've ever been through an affair in your relationship, it can have devastating effects. An affair can lead to divorce, loss of relationships (not only the ex-partner, but also loss of relationships with their parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, etc.), anxiety,...
Let It Go
The longer I live, the more I realize that peace comes to me when I let go, not when I hold on. The thing to let go of that causes the resulting feeling of peace the most? Control. Ya, we human beings hate that don’t we? Nevertheless, that’s our topic today, so...
About Therapy
Maybe it feels like Groundhog Day. A hamster wheel that never stops. The never-ending rollercoaster ride to Perdition. You’ve tried and tried and tried to make a relationship work, or to talk yourself into feeling better. It’s not working. Can’t I just be happy? ...
Where does peace come from?
I had a client ask me one time, “Where does peace come from?” You see, I have a mug in my office that has a saying on it about peace, and I think it captures the feeling that most everyone that comes to therapy is looking for…it reads: “Peace. It does not mean to be...
The Cure For Abandonment
Written by Nancy Eisenman on March 10, 2010 In the waiting room, there are all kinds of tea and coffee, water and Crystal Light packets. We also have a pretty extensive stash of candy. Every once in a great while, I’ll offer a new client that looks a little uneasy a...
A Strong, Non-Reactive Voice
It is a most beautiful summer day and I am enjoying watching my kids swim in the warm sunshine. What a great day! Today I want to talk about one of the goals of therapy, recovery, and differentiation in general. It is a phrase that I use often to describe that...
There Is No Substitute
What a beautiful morning! There is a bird singing outside my window and the sunrise was breathtaking. While it is not my norm, I am more of a night owl, I woke up early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I thought I’d blog awhile. The subject I want to...
The Secret Garden
It feels so good to be blogging again! I have brewed myself a cup of Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee and I’m curled up with my iPad, a blanket, and a kitty laying by me…ready to indulge in something I have been away from for far too long…writing about my passion!...
Step Four, Check!
As promised in my post “Step Three, Check!“, this entry is to report, and celebrate, MY GRADUATION!!!! You may all now call me “Master”, HA HA! My official moniker is now Nancy J. Eisenman, MSW. My master’s degree in social work is in the books, diploma on the...
The Importance of Self Care
This is a topic that I’ve written on before, but I think it is a good idea to revisit it from time to time. I know that I, for one, need reminders in this area. Today we are going to discuss self care. It’s a pretty easy trap to fall into, particularly in today’s...
Healthy Conflict
I know, right? What a yucky topic: conflict. You might be saying, “I don’t like conflict!” Not many people do. It’s just uncomfortable and many folks are straight-up conflict avoidant. Besides, how could conflict be healthy? Isn’t conflict bad, and aren’t we all...
Step Three, Check!
It’s time for another update on my road to becoming an MSW, LSW, LCSW…. I have now just begun my final year of graduate school. I have finished 36 hours (of 60) and I’m currently engaged in completing 13 more. In the spring of 2014 I will have 11 left, and...
The Myth Of Urgency
I’m glad you stopped by The Waiting Room today because we are going to chat about a topic that can give you some amazing freedom to relax during conflict! Fix a cup of your favorite warm beverage and join me for a few quiet moments during a busy day. If you have read...
Anger = “Ouch”
It’s probably no surprise that the number one reason people give for picking up the phone and calling for a therapy appointment is “We just can’t communicate.” Even if the reason is something else: infidelity, addiction, anxiety, or relationship issues with friends...
Confident Humility
Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? How can confidence and humility live together in the same phrase? That is exactly what I want to discuss today. Make yourself a cup of your favorite beverage and let’s tackle this unusual, seemingly oppositional idea. I want to...
The One Question Codependency Test
I am all about keeping things as simple as possible. What I have come to find is that, in the world of understanding human behavior and explaining it, it can become quite complex in a BIG hurry! People are simply complex organisms. The more I learn, the more I have...
Shut The Frau Up!
Pardon the play on words, but it really is the perfect title for this post! I promise by the end, you will understand why I chose it. I was thinking this week about the “voices” we humans hear in our heads. No, this is not a schizophrenic or delusional thing I am...
Differentiation 205
Welcome to The Waiting Room today! It is a BEAUTIFUL fall morning, and I have just made myself a cup of Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee. Yummy! Curl up on your favorite comfy chair and join me for a short siesta. Once again, today we are working on differentiation....
Death By Comparison
I’ve been thinking lately about things that are capable of stealing and killing joy in our lives. Everyone wants more joy in their life, right? I know I do. Life is pretty darn hard, and joy breathes a welcome respite into the difficult journey. I wanted to talk...
Chameleons
Chameleons are probably not a subject you would ever think I would blog about, right? No, I’m not taking a turn for veterinary science or lizardology. I mean, what is a therapist wannabe gonna say about chameleons or anything else in the wild kingdom? Today we are...
Fair vs. Unfair
Recently I was in on a very interesting discussion on the topic of “fairness.” Wow, was it good! We were talking about how fair or not life can be, and I asked some questions to see how those around me felt about the topic. See how you would answer some of the...
What’s So Amazing About Grace?
What’s So Amazing About Grace? is actually the name of a book authored by Philip Yancey. Back when I was going through my divorce a few years ago, it was extremely important to me to be able to leave it without any leftover resentment or anger. I didn’t want any...
Two Sides Of The Same Coin
I had a client ask me one time, “Where does peace come from?” You see, I have a mug in my office that has a saying on it about peace, and I think it captures the feeling that most everyone that comes to therapy is looking for…it reads: “Peace. It does not mean to be...
The Way You Make Me Feel
I had a client ask me one time, “Where does peace come from?” You see, I have a mug in my office that has a saying on it about peace, and I think it captures the feeling that most everyone that comes to therapy is looking for…it reads: “Peace. It does not mean to be...
Not How, But When
This week I want to post on an idea that I was discussing with Kathy Henry, LCSW in the waiting room. Well, actually we were eating lunch at my favorite nearby restaurant, but when the name of your blog is The Waiting Room, it just sounds better! Besides, my choice...
Who Gets Your Gold?
Thank you for stopping by the Waiting Room today! I just made my favorite cup of coffee, Wild Blueberry with cream and 2 sugars, and I have a topic all ready to go so let’s get to it. I wanted to pose a question I’ve been thinking about for discussion today: Who...
Intentionally Counter-Intuitive
What? What the heck does that mean, right? That’s what I would like to discuss today. Grab a cup of coffee (I’m having Wild Mountain Blueberry, yummy!) and let’s get to it. One of my many mentors, Jerry Wise, brought up this “Intentionally Counter-Intuitive” phrase...
The One You Feed
A friend of mine posted this on our friends newsgroup, and I thought it fit quite well into what I posted on last week. Check it out: An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there’s a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. He is anger, jealousy,...
Black, White, or Gray?
I was visiting after our staff meeting today with one of my collegues, Jenn Lance, and she said something that stuck with me. She said, “I can see other people in shades of gray, but most times I only see myself in black or white.” Hmm. I had to agree that...
What Is It Like To Be You?
I recently finished my second theory class as part of my Masters degree schooling. One of the theories studied was termed “symbolic interactionism”. The online Webster’s Dictionary describes it like this: “a theory that human interaction and communication is...
Step Two, Check!
Anyone who regularly reads my blog knows that I am a Masters student at Indiana University. I thought I would take a moment today to update you on my path to becoming an MSW! This year has been such a busy one for me, with many irons in the fire at once. Besides...
“Bad It!”
I’m thoroughly enjoying a much needed vacation this week! I do enjoy blogging very much, but haven’t had as much time as I’d like to do it lately, with the end of the spring semester and all. I ended up passing both of my classes with flying colors, though, another...
I’m The One! (or How to Stop Fighting)
A couple of months ago, I went to a therapist training seminar for Imago Relationship Therapy. This is the theory proposed by Harville Hendrix in his books “Getting the Love You Want”, “Keeping the Love You Find,” “Receiving Love,” and “Giving the Love They Need”. ...
Marriage Killer
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about victims. There really are true victims in this world, of course…people who have been negatively affected by the actions of others through no fault or no choosing of their own. People who died in the 9/11 attacks for example. No...
Effective Communication?
Today I wanted to touch on a subject that comes up all the time when people call in for a therapy appointment: communication. More times than not, the people I talk to looking for help cite failure to communicate effectively as the major presenting problem in their...
To Forgive or Not to Forgive
I need to have a little chat with myself today, so I thought I’d invite you in to join me. It’s a little less strange….right? OK, maybe not, but humor me…maybe you’ve had this same struggle. So most of us out here, regardless of faith or spiritual beliefs, know that...
I Have You Under My Control
I had a client ask me one time, “Where does peace come from?” You see, I have a mug in my office that has a saying on it about peace, and I think it captures the feeling that most everyone that comes to therapy is looking for…it reads: “Peace. It does not mean to be...
Beware The Timeless Lizard
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is based on the work of Harville Hendrix PhD., author of Getting The Love You Want, Keeping the Love You Find, and Giving the Love That Heals. For a simple definition of Imago Theory, try www.therapy4couples.com/imago-theory.html I...
Defending Boundaries With Finesse
Thanks for stopping by today! I apologize that I have not been blogging more often lately…grad school is proving demanding of my extra time. I appreciate you coming again to read my latest post. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about boundaries, and more to the...
What Are You Ruminating About?
Today’s topic is about something that hit me while I was sitting in class the other day. The teacher said that she realized she had been “ruminating” about a visit with a client of hers for two days afterward. She just couldn’t get it out of her head and kept...
Do The 5 Love Languages Illuminate Our Issues?
I’ve been thinking about this blog all week. The topic is something that kinda jumped up unexpectedly into my thoughts, and now I’m thinking that I may use it as a research project when the time comes, for my graduate studies. Awhile ago, I read “The 5 Love Languages”...
Making Sure The Next One is Mr/Mrs Right Pt 3
What about if I’m married to Mr./Mrs. Can’t Meet My Needs? (I apologize for the length…we have a lot of ground to cover.) “So,” you say, “I’ve decided I want to grow and be more balanced. I’ve searched and sought out a therapist and they are helping me achieve this....
Making Sure The Next One is Mr/Mrs Right Pt 2
So, we left off on the cusp of a couple of pretty big questions and their answers. No more waiting…let’s get right down to business. To recap, our girl Kim has some intimacy issues. She has an allergy to intimacy with someone in her family of origin (more than likely...
Making Sure The Next One is Mr./Mrs. Right Pt. 1
This is going to be a two- or three-part blog, because I am feeling verbose on this subject! I’ve been inspired! One post just isn’t going to cut it. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a fan of Family Systems Theory. Thankfully for me, I work with a group of pretty...
Will My Issues Ever Be Completely Cured?
Recently I’ve been around a couple of dialogues involving this question, and I remember early on in my own couch work/education, asking my therapist this very thing. Having now done a great deal of my own recovery work, I thought I’d take a stab at answering it from...
Self-Care Is Imperative
I thought today I would give you a quick update on what’s going on with me, but I promise to make a good therapeutic point, too, since you went to the trouble to stop by! I am taking my first grad school class. It’s called Immersion. (Seems an accurate description...
Family Systems Theory, A Tiny Morsel
One of the therapists I work with, and who also has a blog (see link at the bottom of this page), is Jerry Wise. I call him “Yoda” because “the Jedi force” is strong with him! He has an uncanny, and sick (in a totally impressive way), skill for putting his finger...
Dealing With An Affair, Part 3
We’ll make this the last post of this short series about affairs. I promised you titles of some good books on the subject. There are a couple that we recommend frequently where I work. “Surviving An Affair” by Willard Harley is a good one. A newer one that is for...
Dealing With An Affair, Part 2
Welcome back for Part 2 of a quick series on affair-related issues. I thought today we could look at the other side of the coin. We talked about the person whose spouse strayed, but what about the person who did the straying? Are they really the devil incarnate as...
Dealing With An Affair, Part 1
Thank you for stopping by the Waiting Room today. I’m so glad you did! Today’s topic is actually inspired by request…I have a few friends who read my blog who are either close to folks who are dealing with affair issues or are in an affair themselves, etc. I’m deeply...
That Dangerous “E” Word
I have had the same word coming up over and over in my mind, crossing my path in several different situations and contexts, for the past few months. For whatever reason, it’s just been a glaring theme that keeps popping into my head. To me, that says it’s time for a...
We See Things As We Are
I have another quote today that spoke to me, and I just wanted to say a couple of quick words about it. “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin Here’s another quote that...
Grief, With A Large Side-Order Of Fear…
Although I admittedly have not read many of his books, I’ve come to find through hearing told some stories he has written (The Lion, The Witch, & the Wardrobe comes to mind) reading some quotes by him, and hearing his name here and there in discussions, that I...
Just What Are You Insinuating?
I just made myself a cup of Chocolate Donut Coffee. Yep! It’s actually not too bad. Enough sugar and cream can make any cup of coffee tolerable. Grab a cup of your favorite beverage and join me for a few minutes in the waiting room. Thanks for coming by! I...
The Meaning of Life
Whoa! Pretty deep, huh? The meaning of life, really? We’re talking no small potatoes for a blog topic. We’re going to go deep today, guys. Would you believe a 36-year-old wannabe therapist who works as an assistant in a waiting room would think she knows anything...
“The Secret”
I watched a movie called “The Secret” yesterday. It is sort of a documentary type film that wants to teach us how to think and feel so we can attract good things in our lives. It was really interesting, and I liked it. Sometimes stuff like that seems a little too...
When We Know Better
OK, I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s something that I struggle with, so I’m going to blog about it somemore, and preach some more to myself. I need to talk myself into some things, so you can come along for the ride, and hopefully learn and heal from my...
Infidelity Statistics
I recently saw some statistics on infidelity in a magazine in another waiting room, and I felt compelled to share. The numbers were absolutely staggering! I didn’t check the scientific methods of this particular website, but just googled infidelity statistics and...
How To Get Respect
Did you catch it? If you did, I’m thoroughly impressed. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog and read the one I posted entitled “Drop Your Pen” not too long ago, you might be saying to yourself “what is she talking about, ‘how to’…I thought it was all about...
Don’t Tackle Addictions Alone
I recently met a woman with a couple of very powerful addictions, we’ll call her Denise (not her real name). Denise was quite guarded with me at first, but she confided in me that she has had 2 addictions in particular for almost her entire life. She is a...
Drop Your Pen
I have to give props to my friend and co-worker Jerry Wise for today’s topic. It has been something that was a profound insight for me in seeing things in myself and others; not only helping me accept people for where they are in their journeys (including myself),...
Hidden Stuckness
When I read an article, book, or blog, I always try to find truths about myself, my own situation, and the world in general. I am a die-hard truth-seeker. I ask myself, how can I learn and grow from this information? This time though, the truth is that I’m really not...
Smell The Roses
I’m back! Woo! If you were missing me, I just got back from a week-long vacation. It was totally relaxing, as all vacations should be. We did go to a theme park for a couple of days, but the rest of the time was spent doing a whole lot of nothing much, except one...
Step One, Check!
So I found out late last week that I’ve been accepted into the graduate school program at IUPUI! I’ll be attending at the IU School of Social Work, studying toward my MSW, or Masters of Social Work. The application was lengthy, and they were careful to tell us that...
“Quite Unwilling”
I got tickled last night at my Bible class. I’m doing a Beth Moore study called “Breaking Free.” Wow, is it good. I’m really enjoying it. Beth quoted 1 Corinthians 16:12 that tells of Paul “strongly urging” Apollos to go somewhere, and Apollos being “quite...
Codependency, Counterdependency, & Giving, Part 3
As I said before, there are many books covering the subject of codependency with a spouse or in other relationships. What if we took that a step further? What if someone is being codependent with something inanimate? Let me give you an example of a guy, we’ll call him...
Codependency, Counterdependency, & Giving, Part 2
So we left off talking about how many codependents actually expect a trade instead of truly giving. I wanted to expound on that a little bit. You know, when a codependent person interacts with people in this way, expecting others to meet their needs in trade without...
Codependency, Counterdependency, & Giving, Part 1
I’d like to do a little series of blog entries on codependency, counterdependency, and giving. I’m not sure how many posts it will entail, but it’ll be a few. (I know I promised not to use too many big therapy-type words, but I’ll give you some definitions, because I...
Come Down From Your Tower
A friend of mine the other day was talking about a woman she was working with on a volunteer project. This other lady was talking down to her, insulting her, and basically “being snotty” for no visible reason at all. (My boss just blogged about why this lady may...
What To Do?
So I signed my divorce papers yesterday. Whew, that was really not an enjoyable experience. Simply feeling ten different emotions at the same time, most of them contradicting each other, is just flat-out overwhelming. Sadness, relief, anger, happiness, abandonment,...
Dude, Just Puke It
Back in the day, when I was a member of a therapy group, I had a saying that became the norm for our little troupe when it was time for someone to just “get real.” One of the members of our group would be in pain that week, and would be upset and wanting to vent or...
Grace: It’s Not Just For Others
So let’s just jump right in to catching you up with what’s going on in my recovery. Like I said, I’m going through a divorce. What a rich garden of material to use to learn about myself! All along as I came to this decision, it was and still is very important to me to...
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