I thought today I would give you a quick update on what’s going on with me, but I promise to make a good therapeutic point, too, since you went to the trouble to stop by!

I am taking my first grad school class.  It’s called Immersion.  (Seems an accurate description because there are moments when I feel like I’m drowning!  Not because it is difficult, but because I have a very busy life outside of school!)  It meets every Saturday from 8:45a.m. to 4:15p.m.  Yep.  That’s a long time to sit and learn every week, although it moves pretty quickly.  It lasts 6 weeks and I’m already half done.  There are major assignments due every week, so juggling my time has become a bit of a challenge.  Being a single mom and working almost full time too, time is a commodity I have to use wisely.

I wanted to use myself as a bit of an example for how busy we can make ourselves and our lives.  I’m allowing my life to be a lot crazy for a few years, more than I normally would, for a more lofty ultimate goal.  Someday I will be able to make choices about my work schedule that those in more traditional 9-5 jobs cannot make.  I like that a lot!  A master’s degree is also absolutely mandatory for the kind of work I’d like to do, so I really don’t have much choice about schooling.  But I do need to vigilantly remind myself to take time for self-care, so that I don’t burn out or otherwise die!  I thought I’d share my favorites with you.

• I love to play poker any chance I get.  You like that one?  It stimulates my mind without the pressures of work or school or home issues.  I still have to think, but it’s about something completely different!  It’s restful.
• I love to get my hair cut.  It is one of my most favorite self-care tasks.  Sometimes I wish my hair would grow faster!  I also get regular massages.
• I take between 15 and 30 minutes every morning, right after I wake up, for quiet time.  I use the time to pray or do Bible study usually.
• I take time to connect with friends every week, usually over a meal, although it doesn’t have to be.  I absolutely cherish this time to relax, and maintain or deepen relationships with those I care for.
• I make sure I take time each day to talk with both of my kids, usually one on one.  I read them bedtime stories and sing to them before they go to sleep.

I was thinking about this very thing while watching a video in school this week.  One of the interviewees for this video was talking about how if he didn’t learn how to balance and say no to certain things in his work that eventually he would not only lose his job, but he would also lose funding for the programs he was running and then where would everyone be who depended on those programs?  It is the same with individuals.  If you give out more than you replenish with self-care, what good will you be then? It’s seemingly a paradox, or counter-intuitive thinking….taking time for yourself is, after all, not using that time to care of others, right?  But it really is.  Think of it this way: “I have to take care of myself so I have the strength to help others.”

Think about your life and what really recharges your batteries the most.  If you can’t think of anything that you do regularly for you, sit down right now and make a list of things!  Then pull out your calendar and write them in.  If someone asks you to do something that interferes with those things, you need to say no!

I’ll also throw this out there as food for thought:  If your life is too cluttered with tasks, ask yourself not only what can go, but why you have allowed it to become that way.  Are you keeping yourself over-busy so you don’t have to think about life’s problems as much?  Do you have an “activity addiction”?  An addiction is simply letting something get out of control, using it as an anesthetic to numb pain, to the degree that it causes harm to another area in your life.  Perhaps it is some codependency and you need some better boundaries.  Look at it objectively and see what you think.

That’s it for today.  Go get yourself some self-care and we’ll see you again next time.  I’ll do the same.  Thanks for stopping by!

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2010, Nancy Eisenman